If you ignore it, it will go away.

If you forget about it, it will go away.... right?

(Yeah. No.)

Actors. Especially recently Aaron Paul.

I walk around with an extra "boom" in my step because I feel cool, like I'm one of them. How is it that a person can be SO good at creating an imaginary atmosphere? Go you.

That's all it is. A crush.

I'm over it. On to the next... ;)

To clear the air...

I need to balance out the bad "juju" from yesterday, so today I will leave with photos that are GUARANTEED to leave you smiling. If they don't, you're stone. haha

How to deal with stress...

1 * Accept the fact that some days you're the pigeon and some days you're the statue!

2 * Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

3 * Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

4 * Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their Maker.

5 * If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

6 * If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

7 * It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

8 * Never buy a car you can't push.

9 * Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on.

10 * Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

11 * Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.

12 * The second mouse gets the cheese.

13 * When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

14 * Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.

15 * You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.

16 * Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once.

17 * We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty, and some are dull. Some have weird names and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.

18 * A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

19 * Have an awesome day and know that someone has thought about you today.

20 * It was I, your friend!

"You feel like everyone is looking at you, right?"

I was at work, standing, waiting for my food to come up. Where I was standing is a big open area of counter space where all the orders are placed. I was saying how weird it felt to be standing there (because I am not usually in that spot.) And he says, "You feel like everyone is looking at you, right?"

haha Oh boy, he really hit the nail right on the head. Funny how you can be whoever you want to be, say whatever you want to say, wear whatever you want to....until someone notices you.

Panic attack?

Friday, I went home from work before 10 am because I was feeling extremely nauceous all morning, and I have having really bad deja vu. I never threw up or anything, and I didn't have any stomach issues besides that. My brother suggested it was a panic attack. I thought it probably wasn't because I've never had one...but then again, I kept thinking about it, and I thought he might be right.

I had some weird dreams the night before, and I hadn't gotten much sleep. Maybe I was just too stressed out from working too much. Maybe my body was telling me that I needed to finally rest. I mean, it's not like I have tons to do; I do have two jobs, but I only work the other one a couple nights a week. Sure, the girl I work with can be a little lazy, so I end up doing extra work all the time...but even so, I wouldn't think that would induce a panic attack.

I don't know, but I was glad to have the day off.... ssssh don't tell anyone. lol

Feeling left out.

Do you remember that episode of "Friends" (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0583475/plotsummary) where Rachel decides to start smoking because all the good conversations happen when her co-workers are out on their smoke break?

Whether it's smoking, going to clubs, playing video games, riding motorcycles, playing raquetball, or any other thing that I'm not good at and/or don't do, I feel left out because people are hanging out and talking when I'm not around.

Come to think of it, isn't that one of the definitions of friends - someone who likes to do the same things you do? I suppose that means these people aren't my friends, but merely aquaintances. If I want to be their friend, I'll have to find an "in."

The list.

You know how there's that one person who just does it for you? Well, in order to avoid embarrassment, I won't list anyone I've actually met. LOL So here's a few actors that I just really, really like for one reason or another:

1. Josh Duhamel - not so much for his acting, but incredibly good looking to me, also looks a lot like someone I know who I think is cute ;)

2. Eric Dane - He's what I'd call YUMMY (ha!), plays a great character on "Grey's Anatomy", and he ROCKS the grey!

3. Leonardo DiCaprio - obviously attractive, but his attitude towards politics and the environment is quite appealing, and he's made some great career choices. I'll ignore the fact that he likes to date models. haha

4, 5. Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Javier Bardem - They definitely look alike. Tall, dark, handsome.

6, 7. Neil Patrick Harris, Jonathan Groff - both have musical theater background, incredibly talented singers, do a great job of appealing to the ladies, which makes them a great actor in my book, since they are both gay. lol

8. Freddie Prinze, Jr. - "She's All That." I was 15 when that movie came out, and I have loved him ever since. :)

9. Adam Levine - He reminds me SO much of the "antichrist" I was talking about in my last post. I just find him incredibly sexy; maybe it's because of his music, maybe because he has amazing abs, maybe it's just because he's proven himself to be loyal. MMMMMmmm.......

The bad boy.

So I was listening to the local pop radio station this morning, and they were discussing how some girls always fall for the "bad boy." She was saying that her friend had tried to date nice guys, but that she always says they are boring. The problem is, the bad boy always ends up breaking her heart. They also talk a lot about the "dating anti-christ", meaning, the person who you always end up with, but ends up making you feel bad about yourself, or you always end up fighting with and breaking up with over and over again.

Well, I'm sorry to say, but I can speak from experience. There's someone that does that for me. We only dated for a short time, and that was YEARS ago, and from time to time, I will get back in touch with him. EVERY time I fall back "in love." I use that loosely, though, because I really don't know him that well...but whatever he's got, I want it. haha And what's silly is that I know he doesn't like me in the same way, but I really, REALLY want him to.

http://youtu.be/46zhI-JUN8Q

Remember the old days when...

Awkward and sad situations truly do SUCK, but I am so glad to be rid of them. Maybe if I wasn't single, it would be different. All I know is, I have put up with people's bull&^*# as much as I can, and I am NOT going there anymore.

It was just a purple kind of day.

Thought for the day...

... If you don't like to follow the rules that your boss sets out for you, then it's probably time to be your own boss, i.e. quit. No one wants to hear you complain 24/7 about it because we all probably feel the same way.

Thought for the day...

... Just because you are telling the truth doesn't mean you aren't being rude or ugly. Part of being polite is not saying EVERYTHING you think RIGHT when you think it.

30 Day Challenge - DAY 30!

A picture of yourself this day and 5 good things that happened since you started the challenge





1. Well, I still feel like I accomplished something, even though I didn't complete it in 30 days. Usually I give up after a while because I tend to forget a lot.
2. I've found something to distract me. I think it has made my attitude about work a lot better.
3. The survey questions have helped me open up a little more, even if it is only on the internet. I think it will help me in real life as well, whenever someone asks me about myself.
4. They've helped me think about what I want in life. Maybe some of these things are far away, but I've never been one of those girls who has her life all planned out...so I think this is a good thing.
5. I want to keep up my blog better this time, so I really think this will help me do that; it's gotten me in the habit of keeping a schedule.

30 Day Challenge - Day 29

3 Wishes




Wish 1 = to be financially stable. Now, I know that is of course my own fault for having bills that are taking me forever to pay, but it would be nice to just have enough money to not worry about if I will be able to pay things and also to have enough leftover that I am still able to go out and do the things I like to do. It would also be nice to NOT have to work two jobs to feel this way.

Wish 2 = to find a man (who is not a family member) who loves me. I've been in a couple of relationships, but I've never really felt like that person loved me back they way they should. It always seemed like I was doing all the work. I want someone who truly accepts me and thinks I'm beautiful and wants to be with me all the time...that's probably too much to ask.

Wish 3 = to be more socially confident. Sometimes I feel incredibly awkward when meeting new people. I don't always know what to say to relate to someone. I want to be that girl that everyone likes. I mean, sure, people like me now because I'm nice, and I work hard, but I don't really get a lot of people wanting to hang out with me. I think it's because I'm weird. lol

30 Day Challenge - Day 28

Something That Stresses You Out

You know what stresses ME out? People who love to argue. People who like to dispute anything and everything you say. People who think they ALWAYS know best, no matter if you're right or not. And you know what? I work with a person like that! It's awesome...but not really. I'm just not that type of person that likes to argue. If I can't come to an answer within the first few back-and-forths, I will give up. I will just let you be right. I just don't think many things are worth that much discussion. Sometimes we just need to "agree to disagree." Some people need to read this:

30 Day Challenge - Day 27

Original Photo of the City You Live In

This is the main shopping area near where I live. My house is pretty much the same distance from every major area, and this is the one I go to the most. It's about 15 min from my city, but it's got restaurants, clothing stores, grocery store, pet store, electronic store, and a movie theater.

This one is of the trees right outside the turn I make off my street. Yes, a little blurry, but it's definitely original. haha I like it, though; I thought it was kind of artsy.

30 Day Challenge - Day 26

Your Dream Wedding

Hmmm....so many choices! As far as dresses go, I like these, basically anything that is flattering to my larger shape and is fairly modest.

http://weddingdella.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/Wedding-gown-with-sleeves.jpg

http://cloud5.lbox.me/images/l/201008/hnqfgs1282208747917.jpg

I have thought about bridesmaids, but honestly, it would be hard for me to choose who should be them for me, so I don't think I will have any in my wedding...but if I do, then they should be able to choose what dress they like, well, at least, whatever they are comfortable in and is similar in nature to everyone else.

I would LOVE to have an outside wedding, preferably in the cooler months; anything like these are pretty.

http://photographersweddingss.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/Outdoor-Wedding-Photo.jpg

http://wedding.decoratrends.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/backyard-wedding-via-town-and-country-event-rentals.jpg

I like the idea of having a photo montage showing the bride and groom as kids and older, and I would love to have friends sing or play at the wedding or read a poem or a scripture or song lyrics. I think it would be cool to have any loved ones who have passed away remember, maybe some kind of photo montage as well or a candle ceremony. All in all, I just want to be happy and have a great day and make sure everyone else does as well.

30 Day Challenge - Day 25

Put Your iPod on Shuffle, First 10 Songs




1. "Always On Your Side" - Sheryl Crow feat. Sting
2. "Mona Lisa" - The All-American Rejects
3. "Ghetto Gospel" - Tupac feat. Elton John
4. "Wonderful Tonight" - Eric Clapton
5. "Put Your Records On" - Corinne Bailey Rae
6. "Hide and Seek" - Imogen Heap
7. "Single Ladies" - Beyonce
8. "All or Nothing" - Fake Id (Punk Goes Pop)
9. "All Falls Down" - Kanye West feat. Lauryn Hill
10. "Bye Bye" - Jo Dee Messina

I must say, I'm quite proud of the array of music. I feel all renaissance-y. haha

30 Day Challenge - Day 24

Something You've Learned

...is that I continue to learn something new every day.

30 Day Challenge - Day 23

Favorite Movie

Not sure why, but this is kind of a repeat question; Day 7 was "favorite movies." I am trying to think of a movie I haven't mentioned yet because it's hard for me to pick just ONE. I will pick:

because I watch this movie ALL the time when I'm trying to fall asleep. Now, it is a little "racy" and if you can't stand to watch movies with a lot of cursing, then you probably won't like it, BUT - I think the moral of the story is something we can all relate to - FAILED RELATIONSHIPS. I feel like a lot of romantic comedies are centered around a woman who loves someone who doesn't love her back or doesn't realize they do...and this movie is written by a MAN, Jason Segel, who bases it off of a real life situation that he himself had. I respect for sharing his life with us, and even though it's a guy, I can definitely relate to feeling miserable when you've broken up with someone. ;-)

30 Day Challenge - Day 22

What's In Your Purse?




This is my purse. I know, a pretty boring picture of it. (I'm at work, and that's where I have to keep it. Blah.) It's a pretty big purse, not really the kind I like to keep, but for now, it's what I have; I can fit A LOT of stuff in it, though, that's for sure.

On the outside pocket, I keep hair ties & clips, chapstick, my cell phone, and my alarm clicker (to turn the alarm off from outside the house.) On the inside small pocket, I keep oil blotters, probably some more hair stuff, and a little "fairy kit" that I bought at the Renaissance Festival for good luck. haha In the big main area is where everything else is - my wallet/clutch, coupon & checkbook holder, makeup bag (usually just has mascara, an eyeshadow trio, and some tweezers), keys, pill bottle, iPod case, gum, a little blank spiral notebook (for note taking at church), and then anything else I need to take home from work, papers or receipts, or anything I've bought during the day.

I was never one for carrying a purse, but now I find myself carrying it ALL the time, even though I hardly ever go into it. haha

30 Day Challenge - Day 21

Favorite Picture of Yourself ALL TIME Why?

Obviously this is not a current picture, but it's my favorite because (1) I love Christmas and (2) I'm smiling SO big! I think it really captures my spirit within. All of my favorites of me now are a "naturally" big smile because I think that's something I like about myself - that I'm not afraid to be happy and big! haha

30 Day Challenge - Day 20

Nicknames

Carebear. I had an old co-worker who used to call me that. Besides that, nothing else. "Caryn" really isn't easy to make nicknames with. haha

30 Day Challenge - Day 19

Something You Miss

I miss the way things were when I was a kid. I know I'm not very old (28 to be exact), but even now, I can see how things have changed. When I was in high school, I didn't have many responsibilities, save for my part-time job. I got to do things with friends every weekend. I got to go out and do things. I got to take vacations. I had a ton of friends, and we all spent holidays together, saw movies together, just experienced life together. Now, we are either married, tied down by work, have separate family obligations, or just don't feel like going out. The camraderie we once had is gone. And I see the young 20-somethings that I work with and can still see it in them and their groups. But at 28, I feel way too grown up. I do have friends, but our "hang outs" are few and far between now. I have to work at not being a recluse. haha

30 Day Challenge - Day 18

Favorite Place to Eat

This used to be my favorite place. Well, it still is, but they don't have any in my area anymore. It was pretty much like Texas Roadhouse, where you get the big rolls and buckets of peanuts. (Any of you guys out there know what I'm talking about?) My favorite thing to get was the pork chops.

We've had a lot of family birthday dinners here, and we always have a great time. It helps that you have "endless" breadsticks and salad, but we also normally get good service and the prices are not too expensive (for the most part). We have two locations that are close to us, so that's also pretty nice.

30 Day Challenge - Day 17

Something You're Looking Forward To

It's pretty generic, but I'm just looking forward to having a day off from work! I've been working a lot lately, sometimes all day and night since I have two jobs, so it's nice to have a day where I don't have to worry about being anywhere. I had a few days off at the end of May, but I was house-sitting, so I still had to make sure I was around for that... The last time I had a "real" vacation, that is, a time where I actually went somewhere besides places around my area, was a few years ago. I suppose I can contribute that to lack of funds, but I also feel obligated to stay home because of my pets, and the fact that my mom has to take care of them if I'm not home. Hopefully in a couple of months I will feel stable enough take a week for myself.

30 Day Challenge - Day 16

Dream House

Wow. I've never thought much about it before because having my own house seems so far away. I do know that I'd love to have a home theater system since I like to watch movies; having a big popcorn maker in that room would be pretty cool, too. A pool would be nice, maybe a tennis court so I can learn to play, and even a playground would be fun, even if I don't have kids. haha I also like those houses where you can see down into the whole bottom of the house from the second floor; I guess that's called a balcony. Oh, and while we're talking about balconys, having a private one to look outside from my bedroom would be cool. :)

30 Day Challenge - Day 15

Bible Verse

As I've said before, I am a Christian, and I do attend church at least twice a week, so there are a TON of verses I could give you, but I won't do that... LOL I'll just a name a couple that are most important to me and/or are just my favorite ones.

-Romans 12:19 (King James Version)
"Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord."

I like this one because it makes me feel safe, that no matter what I do or what someone else does, we will get what we truly deserve.

- Matthew 17:20 (KJV)

"And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you."

It's nice to know that I could do ANYTHING. I don't know if I'll ever have *that* much faith, but I can surely try.

- John 14:27 (KJV)

"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."

This has slightly more meaning to me because one of my tattoos is a world with a peace sign through it, and I always wanted to find a verse that would go along with that.

30 Day Challenge - Day 14

A Picture Of You Last Year - How Have You Changed?

Well, for starters, I don't have short bangs anymore. I may regret posting this particular photo because I think I look like very boyish in it... Boo. Anyway, as far as physical changes go, I may or may not have gained *some* weight, and I've already talked about the bangs, but my hair in general is quite a bit longer because I decided I wanted to donate it eventually. I especially chose this picture because at this time last year, I was WAY more into makeup. I used to wear makeup a lot more, and I would take a picture of it every time I wore it. For instance, this picture came in a set of pictures I took to show swatches on my lips of the new lipsticks I got. Well, I still like makeup a whole lot, but I have gotten really lazy with putting much on. If I do, it's usually for church, which is once or twice a week.

30 Day Challenge - Day 13

Goals

This is kind of hard because I am not the really the person who says, "By X day I will have X done." It's more of "Well, I need to get this done, so I will just slowly do it and then hurry, hurry, hurry when it's right at the last second." LOL I wouldn't say I'm exactly a procratinator because at work, I like to get everything done first, and then sit and relax when I'm done. At home I guess I don't have much to do, so nothing I have to do can't wait. I don't know if that's good or bad. I know they say you should set goals for yourself...but I guess I just don't have any. I'm more of a person that just tries to be happy and do whatever does that for me.

30 Day Challenge - Day 12

Something You Don't Leave The House Without

Well, duh, I HAVE to have my keys, but oddly enough, I only have 2 keys on there - my car key & my house key. haha Other things include various rewards cards, a flashlight that no longer works, a mini Eiffel Tower that my co-worker recently brought me back from Paris, and a little bird key chain from Old Navy. :)

30 Day Challenge - Day 11

Favorite T.V. Shows

These are the shows I watch regularly. I know it seems like a lot, but honestly, most of the time I'm not home to watch them; I get them online through one way or another and stay up late catching up on them. haha

.

There are a few others shows that I like to watch, but I think I am overpowering this post with pictures. LOL If you want to know if I like it, just ask. :)

30 Day Challenge - Day 10

Something You're Afraid Of

the dark. Hands down.

It just freaks me out to look out into the dark and not be able to see anything or to hear noises and wonder if it's a person coming to get me or some scary thing about to jump out. Now I don't sleep with a nightlight, but a lot of times I will turn lights on soley just to walk down the hallway or to go switch the alarm on. What's funny, too, is that I love scary movies! lol

30 Day Challenge - Day 9

A Favorite Picture of Your Best Friend



She might get mad at me for posting this...but I don't care. LOL (She doesn't read blogs anyway.) Anyway, this is my friend Lilian. She isn't the person I've known the longest, but she is probably the person that knows the most about me, apart from my Internet friends whom I've never met. I met her when I first started working at my current job, which I started back in March of 2006. She was always good about including me and making me welcome and always invited me out when she went out to the movies after work. She's one of those people that everyone likes because she just has "that way" about her. She's open and honest and willing to befriend pretty much anyone. It makes it easy to talk to her because I know she doesn't judge my mistakes or the things I do that she doesn't agree with. Even though we don't work together anymore, I try to keep in touch with her as much as possible, and we try to hang out whenever I have a free day and/or night. I need to get better about that actually... Oh, and that picture above is from last year when the remake of "Friday the 13th" came out ON Friday the 13th. That model thing was in the movie theater, and we had a lot of fun taking pictures in it! lol

30 Day Challenge - Day 8

Not that anyone is reading this, but I do apologize for skipping Saturday & Sunday. Saturday I just forgot, and Sunday I purposely skipped because I wasn't feeling well. But now I'm back at my 9-5 and on track... lol

A Place You've Traveled To

I have never traveled outside of the U.S., but that's ok because there are a lot of cool places here. As a kid, our family traveled a lot more because we have family in other states, but once we got older and funds became more limited, we traveled less and less, so I started to try and do things on my own when I could. Thankfully, I had friends in high school that loved to go out and do things, so they really helped me branch out and try new things.

I think my favorite trip I have taken so far would be to California. That was a big trip, and I spent a good amount of money on it, probably the first time I got a credit card. I believe it was back in 2004, possibly the year before. It's been a while. haha I got to go to Knotts Berry Farm, Six Flags, the San Diego Zoo, City Walk & Universal Studios park, Venice Beach, Grauman's Chinese Theatre, and a lot of walking around the area. The boyfriend of my best friend at the time grew up there, so we also got to visit his family and do some driving around seeing some of the places he used to hang out at. It was the coolest thing I ever did, and from the looks of my finances now, the coolest thing I ever will do. I am currently not at my home computer, so I will just google some pictures of the things I got to see... :)

30 Day Challenge - Day 7

Favorite Movies

Back to the Future - grew up with it, always loved it

Connie & Carla - pretty much a big fat musical w/ a really awesome moral to the story

Garden State - some of my favorite actors, Natalie Portman's is so cute in it!

Away We Go - love me some John Krasinski, but this movie says a lot about life, very "real"

Encino Man - I will ALWAYS watch this if it's on TV, just a really fun movie

Shawshank Redemption - seen it a billion times, never gets old